i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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