mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
