john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
