sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The uberlube is also flammable
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
