i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
