it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
