i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
