dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
