My room smells like vodka and shame
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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