sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
