I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
