I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
