then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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