i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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