Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
