so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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