Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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