Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
