We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
