Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
