Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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