This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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