Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
