tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I had your ass I would rule the world
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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