Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize