last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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