I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
