toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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