just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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