Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
