i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
