Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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