used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
