i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
