I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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