I am puke
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
