You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
