Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
