when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize