Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
