i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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