put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
