I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
