Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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