K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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