Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
