why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
