Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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