found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
