He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
