You're earring is so big in my mouth
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
