i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
