I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
