sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
