i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Pants are for mortals
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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