do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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