Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
