Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Vodka?
Forever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
