Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
