My Higher Power is John Stamos
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
