My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you had me at cake vodka
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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