HIV tests are more positive than that guy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
