i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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