You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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