There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
