I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
