So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
