And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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