I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
birth control should be required to get into college
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Randomize
