North Korea, Best Korea!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
