Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize