When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
