I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
