Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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