he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
