aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize