I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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