I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
