If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
