they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
