for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
