can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
