I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
