Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
