So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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