also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
