we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
